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Moving Through The Grief | x ^ (5/3)*


x = 5
It has been difficult for me to set limits on how much to make my brain do while it’s still in concussion recovery. TMJ pain is more pronounced lately, and then another loved one passes away. My wit struggles to pull off more than is healthy. I crash and burn. Recovery efforts take days of uninterrupted sleep, hydration and eating something other than Atkins bars. Online college i.e. Physical Science was no joke but I love myself more for finishing it off. College Math on the other hand, is making me feel like the world is going to owe me something when I’m done with this shit.

Granted extensions to catch up. A bonus question? Telling me to write rather than calculate. Hallelujah!  There is a God in Heaven. -my grandmother

Enjoy.. 

Moving Through The Grief Using Math |  x ^ (5/3)

And Here’s That Bonus Question:  Share a creative piece of your own and explain how you used fractions to create it, or how you see fractions emerge when you reflect on the piece.

And here’s my response worth only (+5 points): "Mental health experts say there is a pattern in the experience of grief known as the “five stages of grief.” So, when I was informed that my stepdad was critically ill and in hospital, then home, and then in emergency surgery, then diagnosed with stage 4 stomach cancer; as a documentarian / blogger I was compelled to devote some energy to sharing my dying step-daddy story on my blog. Telling my grief is not airing any family laundry, but it is to lament a common  pain and possibly heal through it so to help someone else move through it.

Delivering an archetype for these posts was not my motivation for writing them, but it was to surely try and FEEL my way through the disbelief. I do not seek any resolution to my grief. I get that it is supposed to be strictly experiential. And not even observational. These two writings manage do nicely fall under these Five Stages of Grief:  

1. Denial & Isolation
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

First came ANGER, then DENIAL & ISOLATION, then DEPRESSION. In this order. 


So, I imagine this means that I have gone through 60%-80% of the torment of loss. Even though I do feel anger intermittently, I do feel I am past the strongest vibration of that emotion. Certainly, happy to be aware of the anger passion snd how it arouses more anger. Acceptance  will rise like the Sunday sun. Uneventful. I’ll be done with it all? I’m not sure about that. I do want his face out of my head already. I am getting tired of his face in mind. Seeing him will not bring him back. I am sure he wanted to live more. We had things to talk about.


The first 20% of this creative math writing reflects my ANGER stage. This was written after I got the news of his prognosis. Here is the link to that post.


The second 20% reflects my DENIAL & ISOLATION. I have physically dwelled in both zones of this. Denial and isolation. The isolation was deliberate. I burned sage daily and still soak in denial, at moments. This post was published after I got the news of his death. Here is the link to that post.

My third of five blog posts will reflect on my DEPRESSION. Depression for me is an actual and unpleasant, like the pressure of a bowling ball resting on my chest. It is extremely restrictive. Requires medication.

I actively resist the BARGAINING stage of my grief. Thinking nobody did anything wrong, he can’t come back, he is not Santa Claus (magic). He is dead, but he should not be. I do not talk to God about him or ask why him? Now? I have no regrets. Death is the will of God. Then, enter stage right: ANGER, again. Cancer is a mind-fuck, not invented or created or delivered by Source. Yet, allowed? With all this thought, I suppose I have experienced BARGAINING, after all?

I predict this will be my flow until I find something to do about cancer. It creeps into the back of my mind at times. Tempting my attention. Nope. Getting ANGRY that I would even go there. Focus on the living, Jackie. Get there and get 100% done with this grieving thing.” But first finish this degree.

*footnote

 x ^ (5/3)

x literal unknown of grief 
5 stages of grief
3 characteristics of math

WAITWHUT? None of the above makes any sense. 



 Anyone can teach you about love. I can make you good at it.

| Photo & Prose by Jackie D. Rockwell |All Rights Reserved © 2008-2021 |